


Crime and Punishment

by anxiousalice



Series: Asexuality Sketches [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: (kinda), BDSM, Cock Slapping, Depression, Depression-Induced Lack of Sex Drive, Explicit Consent, Face-Fucking, M/M, Public Blow Jobs, Public Sex, Rough Sex, Safeword Use, Scene Gone Wrong, Self-Hatred, feelings of worthlessness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:14:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22475425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousalice/pseuds/anxiousalice
Summary: One of the things that depression does to you is kill your sex drive. One of the worst things about that is that you begin to question your feelings – and your worthiness – as a partner.It is even worse when you do not know that you are depressed.Loki struggles with his newly discovered apathy and unwillingness to have sex and wants to be punished for it.
Relationships: En Dwi Gast | Grandmaster/Loki
Series: Asexuality Sketches [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1615399
Comments: 2
Kudos: 63





	Crime and Punishment

**Author's Note:**

> This one is a bit different from my usual Frostmaster, which is sillier. You can simply assume that the Grandmaster and Loki came together because of a mutually strong attraction. They love and respect each other. Loki just needs to learn to love and respect himself.

At an impulse, Loki knelt by the gladiator box sofa. The Grandmaster looked at him in surprise, but his hand immediately went to Loki’s hair – both to comfort and indicate that he was totally up to playing if Loki was. 

And Loki was not up to playing very often, which is why he was bent on using this opportunity.

“I would offer you the use of my mouth, Master,” he said steadily. The people around them looked questioningly toward the Grandmaster. 

“Your safeword?”

“Jotun.”

“Do you feel the need to say it right now?”

The Grandmaster indicated the people around them. Loki could not care less.

“No, Master.”

This statement may have led some of the onlookers to change their seats to see better. 

“Very well,” the Grandmaster agreed regally. “I accept.”

The hand in his hair grabbed and dragged Loki’s head toward the Grandmaster’s crotch. Loki flailed, wondering where to put his hands.

“Put your hands on my thighs,” the Grandmaster indicated steadily. Loki complied. “Open your mouth.” Loki complied. The Grandmaster freed his penis out of the flimsy pants – no underwear, of course – and stroked himself lazily, keeping Loki’s face close with the other hand.

Loki licked his lips and opened wide, sticking his tongue out. The Grandmaster tapped his penis against Loki’s waiting tongue and then proceeded to stroke it again. Loki shuddered and breathed heavily in anticipation, his tongue curling to taste the precome better. He did not feel aroused, but he felt – right. He was being used for his Master’s pleasure. He wanted to give Master this. 

It was becoming an increasingly rare occurrence. Most of the time Loki simply did not feel like it, and En was never good at wanting somebody who did not want him back. Loki would have felt worse about it if they were exclusive, but he knew that En could get it anywhere. He already trusted En with his feelings, and he knew that what was between them was greater than simple lust. Let En sleep around; some people needed that. Loki did not.

Unfortunately, Loki would increasingly not want to sleep with En either. It always made him feel guilty, but En blamed his biology and claimed that it was "OK."

“Sweetie,” he would say, “Some species just don’t need it this, this often. Some species do it once a year! We are fine, my dear. Just come and find me when you want it.”

He was ridiculously accepting and kind, and Loki felt horrible for denying him. He tried to convince himself that they were not exclusive, that En could get it anywhere, but it did not help.

Loki hated himself.

“You will keep your throat relaxed,” the Grandmaster informed him. Loki shuddered – yes, yes!

“I will fuck it.”

Loki licked his lips again and opened his mouth wider, his gaze fixated on the Grandmaster’s flesh. He let it go, took Loki’s head with both hands, one slightly wet and sticky – Loki relished in him taking control – and guided Loki forward. It took a little maneuvering, but Loki managed to swallow Master deep.

Master held fast, keeping him in place. Loki was shuddering and whimpering in submission.

“Your safeword is to tap my thighs with both hands. Do it,” Loki complied. “Good. Do you need to do it now?” Loki stayed still. “Good. Hold on, sweetie,” En whispered kindly. And then, his hips lifted off the sofa.

This sort of rough fucking became the one thing they still did. When Master held him down, pretended to force him, hurt him – Loki felt right. He felt like he was being punished, and it was good. What felt even better was that he knew that En did not want to punish him. This was a game, and the Grandmaster loved games. Loki was giving him what he wanted, and he was being treated better than ever after a scene – En would always take good care of him afterward. Loki often managed to come like this, too. When he did, he gave Master all he wanted – game, sex, and his, Loki's pleasure.

This time was pleasure-less – in that Loki was not aroused. Master did not like that, but he did not hate it either, and Loki even preferred this. It was like he was actually being punished; like he actually got nothing out of it – which was not true in any way, he got En's desire and En’s love – but at least, his pleasure was not front and center. His pleasure was meaningless. What mattered… what mattered – was En.

Norns. Loki hated himself. 

“Whoa… whoa… stop!” Loki was eased gently off En’s flesh, and he shuddered and heaved and wept. “Color?”

“Green,” Loki whispered, but it was not true. “No, wait… red. Jotun. I’m sorry.”

“Never be sorry for a safeword,” En reminded him of the rules of the game, and Loki nodded. He was being gathered in En’s arms and held close. The room was emptying – the Grandmaster must have demanded that they left. Loki clung to En’s shoulders and wept with no restraint. 

“I do not know - what is wrong,” he breathed between sobs. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” En kissed his hair and stroke it. 

“I wanted it to work!”

“It did,” En said, “until it did not. That, uh, that happens. It’s OK. That’s why we’ve got rules. To keep us safe. To keep us, uh, happy. Hush, my sweet. Hush, Loki. I love you.”

Strangely, Loki did not feel better. If anything, he felt worse at this – he ruined it – again – but En was singing to him a soft lullaby made of ancient spells of calmness, and he was rocking them together, and Loki was calming down. He was warm, safe, and loved. 

He did not deserve it.

**Author's Note:**

> Asexuality and lack of sex drive that results from depression are different. Still, I am adding this to the asexuality sketches because I plan to write about both asexuality and depression-induced apathy. If I think it wrong later, I will keep them separate, but for the time being, I want them together to make sense of both.


End file.
